Lately I've been feeling dead in the water, so much hope,so much fire and nothing to really do with it. Sitting in front of my computer for hours and hours working trying to capture an elusive goal that is always just beyond the horizon. I've still not found work, my bank account is dwindling very fast because publicists are not cheap. There really is no logical equation in which i am able to make a living off of music and although I know this, for some reason I still have hope. Human beings are strange creatures, even when we logically know something is impossible still we continue to strive for it. It's truly a beautiful yet punishing quality. While in my apartment during a coffee induced thought journey, I had an idea. I have plan a showcase, it seems to be my only logical option. I have a good publicist that can get coverage on the show I just have to give him something to talk about. I have a new music video, a new EP, plenty of content, now I just need an event to bring these things to light.
I can't believe how defeated I've been lately, it's very unlike me. It's hard though when you work on a project for a year then the blogs you submit it to shit on you then go post the new weekend song again. I've forgotten the golden rule, you should always make art for yourself and if other people dig it cool but if not at least you are still happy with it. Anyways, it's nice to have some sort of a plan that I can focus all my craziness towards. Firstly I have to build the band, I am having my first full band practice this week, so that is thankfully moving in the right direction. Then I have to find a vessel for this shot in the dark showcase, I'm thinking somewhere small so it's an easy room to fill. Then lastly my most hated part of being a musician and the hardest part of being a musician which is of course promotion. Turn yourself into a brand, market yourself into something other people want to be a part of, it's a strange thing to try to do. Online promotion has just been an impossible trek for me, I'd much rather just go out and play a show and actually interact with people.
The main thing here is no matter how hopeless or illogical your goal may be, it is in the human nature to not give up.When I first had these thoughts I felt as if I was ignoring reality but after some pondering I realized I repudiate it. My reality is forged by my hands not those of fate. Hope is our greatest strength, logic is annoying by product of consciousness and I will not let it destroy my dreams or dictate my happiness. Fight logic, ignore the darkness, push on through the hopelessness, when all is lost yearn for more and let the echoes of Dylan Thomas fill your soul, rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I would first like to apologize for not writing for awhile, I've been laying low trying to figure things out. It's time to start releasing my new material, I submitted my first single "Disappear" to some blogs and they weren't feeling it.That isn't exactly a surprise and I knew it was a long shot. Of course it's never fun to hear someone tell you they don't like your music especially someone who could really help you but you have to stand by your work no matter what. It's been almost exactly a year since I've gotten to LA, it's been the hardest year of my life and seems to continue getting harder everyday. It's almost every other day I want to run away from this place and the impossible life of a musician but it's just not an option for me. If i leave and accept an easier life my mind would eat me alive. So where does that leave me? I just have to find a way to keep getting better, it's really my only option.Finding musicians in LA has become a very daunting task and I just can't seem to get excitement around my project. So the question is what do you do when blogs and record labels don't want to help you? You have to reach the people directly and figure out a way to promote your own music. This is no simple task, it's going to take lots of money and time and even then could yield no results. Years of trial and error but if you believe in yourself then it's the only thing you can do. Nonetheless I believe in Disappear, it's weird and imperfect but i do feel it's an interesting sound to explore. I'll be blogging more regularly, i apologize for the lameness of this first post but I need to get back in the swing of writing and continue making new music. I'll be releasing Disappear this Friday, wish me luck.