I keep having a reoccurring dream where I'm at a party full of people I don't know and at one point everyone stops what they are doing to look at me. It gives me goosebumps to even write about, it almost feels as if my mind is aware of itself with the air of" what are you doing?". The dream differs every time but they are all basically the same. Dreams are always so ethereal, just as you feel you have a grasp on them they are gone but this one has stuck with me. In dreams details are hard ,I can never remember faces or events, really the only thing I can ever retain is a feeling. I don't like to over analyze dreams because most of the time they are just echoes of random thoughts turned into some jumbled message that usually makes no sense. Although in that dream it was a bunch of people looking at me at some party ,it felt more like looking into a mirror but something else was staring back. Honestly though my real nightmare is waiting for me when I wake up which is MacArthur park.
No happy dreams live here, no hope for the future,no light escapes this place. The only beam of light from the sky seen here is a police helicopter looking for criminals. Hordes of homeless people trying to find ways to take advantage of you, half naked swarming with flies,while they look at you with eyes so full of hate it's almost staggering.Survive today to continue struggling tomorrow. Inspiration here is like trying to embrace a ghost I follow it around my apartment trying desperately to hold on but to no avail. I can't go back where I came from,I can't afford to live somewhere nice, I'm backed into a corner. I hate trying to make a business out of my music but it is my only hope for happiness. There is no way out but up.
Sometimes I close my eyes and have visions of me on tour in a random cafe in some place having coffee before I play a go play a gig, surrounded by people who care about the music and are down for the cause. Reality never lets this daydreaming last long. The big gamble is coming, things are almost ready, the stage is almost set. The realization of a dream a decade in the works will come to culmination. My chariot will carry me out of this roach infested, post apocalyptic wasteland that is MacArthur park, which I don't even feel should be considered part of the great city that is Los Angeles. I find myself sometimes walking around the ritzy areas just wondering what it would be like. This is the age old battle, do you sacrifice finances to chase the dream you love, or give your life to the money machine, have the things you want and live in a nice neighborhood? There has to be a third option,a silver lining and I will find it.