No matter how far I travel, I’ve never been able to find a place I belong or feel at home. The closest to home I feel is on a bus, train or a plane surrounded by strangers and the hum of an engine. Not actually having my own life, more observing and reflecting on what I see. A student of the world, everywhere and no where. I don’t exist, just a ghost with a notebook. Soaking up all I can until I’m rung dry by the hands of the earth so I can venture back out and absorb more. No name, no past, no future, just a conduit for the passing moments in whatever place I may be. You could make an argument that life is hard and this is just escapism and you’d probably be right but some pieces just aren’t meant to fit.
Music, writing has been the only glue that’s kept me bound together. It’s so easy to be an escapist and blame the place around you or the people around you. I feel the problem lies within me, I am too set in my ways and maybe to focused on my own story. On the surface I can be quite personable but when you dig beneath that people never seem to like what they find. It’s so hard to find the line between being an open minded person ready to grow and also one who is strongly rooted in their beliefs. I am overly confident and always finding myself wanting to fight the world and stand for what’s right. I feel I’ve pushed away good people by not listening and I want to change. I wish to destroy my biases and reflect in a non bias fashion. My views or opinions don’t need to change in order to properly present an interesting topic in a way that leaves room for learning. Lately, I feel I need more to focus on how I fit into the lives of others instead of how they fit into mine.maybe I don’t matter and that’s okay. sometimes it’s hard to feel like I fit in anywhere, there’s always been a gap I can’t close with most people. Or an impasse I can’t seem to push past.Moving forward I want to look at how I can enhance the stories of others instead of using them as characters playing their part in my story. People make a place what it is and if you can’t connect with them how can you ever truly find a place that feels right.