2/12/2016 0 Comments
My Blood,My Brother.
I miss my brother. I was waiting for the bus the other night and it hit me hard. As the bus was pulling up I turned my back to clear my eyes and the bus drove right past the stop, which at the time was super sad but now it's pretty funny. I am sad because I miss you but more because you were never really given a chance.You were like fire, you could keep the village warm or burn it to the ground. We were just misguided children from a broken home with no hope. No good luck or fortune really ever befell us.No one ever told us good job, no one ever told us which way to go,we had no blueprint, just go figure it out. You stepped on all the land mines before I could get to them and there I was lagging behind taking notes.
I always had this fantasy that I would find success and wealth through my dream and come back and "save"everyone, a hero,just like I used to read about as a kid. Save us from constant poverty and sadness and broken relationships. Unbind the chains of substance abuse that have held our family back.Let us really live instead of just getting by. I've taken too long, I'm so sorry. You were the chosen one,the first born son, I was merely an afterthought. I'm not the most talented or gifted but you know me, I don't give up. I always thought if I'm going to keep up with the golden boy I'd better make myself into something great. I'm going to make things right somehow, there's got to be something better over the horizon. I feel the need to try to make sure kids don't grow up like we did, convey a positive uplifting message through my music that can hopefully offer guidance to those who don't have it.
I'm angry brother, you deserved better, our family deserves better.I will focus my anger and try to find something positive inside of all this negativity. I had a dream that me you mom and dad were all eating lunch, you guys were smiling and laughing and so happy, for a moment I was too. Of course though my mind can't even let me enjoy a dream and I realized it wasn't real and tried to tell them the truth but It seemed I couldn't coney my message or no one was listening. I woke up and thought that you are gone, dad is on the other side of the planet and mom on the other side of the country, for the first time in a very long time I felt alone. At first I thought what a cruel dream but I've found myself remembering that dream warmly. That feeling of us all together and happy is nice even if it never really happened. Im going to make you proud, everyone proud.
I'm a week out from releasing my EP, I need to get my thoughts together and ensure I do all I can to get this release out as much as possible. The release of Dawn was a joke and I have to do better. Every time I release music I get my hopes up really high then I'm heartbroken with the results. This time i'll keep my expectations low and my energy high. I'll just do my best. It is only after exhausting all options available to me that I can find some manner of solace.
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