Viewing yourself or your art objectively ,I do believe, is near impossible. I pulled my whole catalog back to try and reevaluate and see how I can make songs better but what does that even mean? It's a difficult line to flirt with where you stand by your work but also don't want to be too stubborn that you can't grow. I committed the cardinal sin of music or any artistic endeavor, I put too much weight and pressure on it's shoulders. when you expect too much out of your creative outlet it suffocates and spoils creative energy. It's hard not to get down on yourself or your work when it goes unnoticed, thats human nature. There are millions of reasons why certain things don't catch on, its impossible to pinpoint one single reason. This will at the very least give me an opportunity to change some small things about songs that have driven me nuts.
We are a world that lives and dies by the internet but the internet makes no sense. I have this dream of a strange music that has no genre, with meaningful lyrics and real instruments. Which is all fine and dandy as long as you don't expect to make money. It is naive to think that exactly the art you want to make is also what mass amounts of people want to hear. At what point though does an artist bend too much to fit into what people want?The internet is pure unfiltered entropy, how on earth do you control such a thing. I always try to tell myself that you can't control how it's received, you can only control creating it. It should be a somewhat linear process and how its received should never be present during creating it.
I'm preparing to re-release Schematics my original EP but this time I'm going to make sure it gets the opportunity it deserves. Its been a terrible process picking apart all my work and trying to figure out how to make it better, I hate it. I'll be happy once this process is over and I can just focus on promoting. We are a world in which success as an musician boils down to social media clout and streaming numbers, so when your work doesn't produce those things it's easy to feel like a failure. The thing I try to keep in mind is making the music I want to make is a victory. Even if it doesn't produce money or clout, just let it be what it is, expression. I have never been a rich person, I believe there is beauty in living a modest life. I won't lie, I do hope to find a way to live off of my art some day after all this time. I'm not goin to lose myself in the process though, there has to be a way. There has to be a niche of people out there who feel the way I do and I won't quit until I find them.
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