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1/15/2016 1 Comment

Round Hole,Square Peg

My envy is beginning to eat me alive, I can't shake it.i hate how competitive and jealous I get, it's very counter productive.is it arrogant or admirable to expect nothing less than greatness from myself? It used to be I want what they have but now I crave it. Not the money, not the fame, the respect is what I crave or maybe the validation. I haven't been sleeping much this week, I'm just frustrated and spinning my wheels, round hole square peg. It runs so deep I feel it in my bones, underachieving at such an astronomical degree.I'm better than this,or am I? Maybe in every universe every alternate reality of me I'm just a dude who tried really hard and got no where. I'm running out of ideas on how to promote the EP I'm running out of money and time.It's times like these I have to remember my readings and what they've taught me. In the words of my unintentional mentor and closest thing I ever had to a father figure "One can never obtain peace in the outer world until we obtain peace in ourselves." ~Dalai Lama

Since I've moved  I haven't been able to mediate or empty my mind as much as I need so thoughts build up. I have to focus, hopelessness will get me no where. Apart from my eternal inner turmoil, I'm still moving the gears towards the release. I am what I am,my music is an extension of me.i will not defeat myself or become drunk with confidence and over compensate. I want to find that balance of being a professional musician while still retaining an ounce of artistic integrity. I have to calm down and remember I've only been here one month and have faith the EP will turn some heads to my project.

On a much happier note I have finally moved into a place at least until April. I can finally start playing my Korg SV-1, the love of my life. I've missed writing so much, I've had so much on my mind recently and no outlet, well besides this blog which for me has been a life saver. I appreciate anyone who has read all of my nonsense and I do hope sometime soon I have happier more interesting things to write about instead of struggling all the time. I'm trying to be realistic about my situation without losing hope which is a tough balance. Money owns me now though, I hate feeling like my music isn't successful just because I don't make money from it. Seems like it always the next project that's going to blow up. Use this project to lay the foundation then next time you'll get em tiger. I hate that, I won't give up on Schematics before it's even had a chance,even if no one else believes in it I do (which I know my opinion is bias since its my music). I put so much work into it and it was such a pivotal writing experience for me, I'm going to give it everything I've got. We are now one month and four days away from the release, I expect greatness from myself and Schematics will be held to the same standard. My only hope is the people who believe in it to help it spread.  
1 Comment
Matty Moe link
1/15/2016 06:29:59 pm

I know exactly what you're feeling all to well. I'm proud of you for taking that leap that many are afraid to take. Never give up on yourself. You will be discovered when the time is right.

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