A step backward to see the way forward

I'd been tossing around the idea of a rebrand in my head for quite some time now. My music had just honestly hit a dead end and it felt as if all that hard work was just sitting in the void of the internet, so I had to take action. My only recourse  was to take everything down and start anew. It feels awful, sort of like the past couple years were a waste but sometimes it takes bravery to withdraw, to accept that you can be better and take the steps necessary to do so. This doesn't mean that the music is dead, it just means that I have nothing to lose so the least I can do is rework my music and make it perfect, make it exactly what I want it to be. In all honesty, with my budget restrictions and mania when it comes to writing, it's a miracle I've put out as much music as I have. Sometimes you don't exactly get the take you want in the studio but when the budget runs dry you have to kind of just stick with what you have.  I've just been beating my head against the wall ,doing things I know didn't work and being stubborn. Sometimes its necessary to put your ego on pause and evaluate yourself objectively.

I'll be rereleasing everything hopefully soon but I've made some big improvements to my home studio to truly be able to make things sound the way I want from home. Take the ideas back to their cradle and get them  to the level I know they can be. I'll take all the criticism I've gotten and use it to be better. The hot iron brand of criticism burns every negative thing I've ever heard about my art into my brain. I used to tune it out and try to forget but instead I want to use it as a learning opportunity. Truthfully though, it's selfish, there are so many things I want to fix for myself. Small details, things no one else hears that drive me nuts. I love and stand by everything I've put out but the thing with music is you always feel like it could be better. A maddening never ending rabbit hole. It will never be perfect I know that but I also know there is this magical place in-between "that's good" and perfect that I have to find.

The part of all of this that keeps me awake at night the most is the promotion aspect.What if there was nothing wrong with the recordings? Maybe they just hadn't been given the proper amount of exposure.What if I actually just dropped the ball on promoting? The last couple songs I had lost hope, I must admit. I'd promote on instagram and some other avenues for a very short amount of time, then when there was no response I'd give up.  I'd chalk it up to "well there's just too much music out there and mine fits nowhere". That may be true but I can't let the success of my songs infect what I think of them. I can't let my number of streams tarnish my vision or damper the potential of my music. I'd be lying though if I told you I wasn't hungry for my music to hit a larger audience and finally get my music some respect. It's just a balance between holding true to your art but also doing what it takes to find a group of people who respect what I do.

Labeling myself as hip hop was a bad move, my music is confusing and finding a genre to call home has been an impossibility. The genre problem is on the top of my list of things I need to address promotionally. I may have to some day acknowledge the fact that I may not be talented enough to make a living off of music but I'm not there yet, I still believe. It's exciting to be planning again and feeling like these songs have another chance. when I was a kid I used to think "anything can happen, one song could change my life"somewhere along the way that died. I want to regain that feeling now and forever. I'll do everything in my power, whatever it takes to give them a better fighting chance this time. Without support though, I will most certainly drown again. I'll no longer be too proud to ask for help  and I'll vulnerable enough to admit I have no fucking idea what I'm doing most of the time. My mouth salivates from the sweet smell of change wafting from the future, I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from John C. Maxwell, "The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist expects it to change, the leader adjusts the sails".Maxw