The Freedom of Empty Hands

I find myself once again looking for a new home. I don’t think for me one singular home exists. It’s an exciting feeling to be uprooted and be at the whim of chance and the randomness of life. Some people might think my approach to life may be empty or aimless but they can’t see the freedom inside of emptiness.Coronavirus has forced me to retreat to a friend’s and give things time to open back up, which is probably good because I have zero plan really. My plan is always the same, find a place I can figure out how to get my music in a good place. Seems like Nashville will end up being the choice but I’m keeping my mind and options open. Quarantine has been good for me as I’ve gotten lots of writing done but there’s still the looming issue of what to do with all these songs. I’m so tired of releasing songs to just die on the internet. Social media is a battle I cannot win. I want to share a quick story as more evidence as to why social media is poison and I hate it. I have a friend who  posted something Star Wars related on today May fourth, I then asked “ I didn’t know you were a Star Wars fan” to which they responded “ oh I’m not but it’s trending so I bought a mask and took a picture for the content and traffic”. I’ve always wished this attitude lived in me but it just doesn’t. I can’t lie or make up a fake life but I’m also no social media expert. I digress, if I get ranting about social media I’ll never stop. Let’s instead talk about the possibilities of the future.


I have no delusions of fame or financial stability from my music. Instead of shooting for the stars I just want to float through pillowy clouds before falling back down to my death.in other words I just want to make play shows again get these songs to at least a small number of people. Nashville is currently the top choice mainly because it’s something different and new and I’ve always had favorable experiences there when I’ve gone. I want to come out of quarantine strong, I did lots of planning and saving before all of this and I hope it can still be a jumping off point for me. Creating has been so hard since I have no roadmap or real plan, I just try things and act opportunistically. There is a question though that has surfaced and at least deserves thought.


At what point does your dream become harmful? At what point does blind optimistic become just running from reality. It may be time for me to let go of the hope that music will ever be something I can monetize. This doesn’t mean I have to give up on what I love just more so change how I look at it. In 15 years I’ve never been able to make money consistently with music and I just don’t know how to change that. I always tell myself when finding a new home things will be different but now I highly doubt it. Every time I move in filled with renewed hope and life that I can make this work. Hopefully I’ll be able to spark something with that momentum this move and change my life. I want to come out of this quarantine strong and hit the ground running. These last two weeks are important, I need to make the most of them.