Maybe its greedy or vain of me, maybe it’s insanity, to feel I can attain a life that so many vie for. Usually when someone’s dreams don’t work out people say maybe it wasn’t meant for you or you should try something else. What if there is nothing else? An unshakable image burned into your mind, as if you’ve stared into the eyes of god. I keep telling myself I have to let go of the unrealistically high bar I’ve set for myself or ill never be happy.A person can only take so much failure and rejection. Purpose runs deeper than happiness to me. A reason to exist, a reason to feel like being human makes sense even for a moment. A driving force that is unparalleled and something truly worthy of dedicating a human existence to.No matter how it is received, I have to keep writing and making art because it is my purpose.I just can’t find appeal in the game of acquiring possessions, somedays I really wish I could. To feel the gratification of money and all the things it can bring me.
It could be a coping mechanism but I feel there is true merit in failing. There is merit in giving everything you have regardless of the outcome. Success is easy, everyone loves you, you make money, life is good. True character is shown when no one cares, real grit is displayed when you believe in something enough to single handedly keep it alive. Lately I’ve wondered though,Is there a point in which your dreams end up killing you? Even if they do though, what better way to die then fighting for something you truly love. I don’t think it’s possible to truly push it out of your mind, we just get good at faking it.
I've started releasing my next round of music starting with "More to Life' which hasn't been preliminarily received well. Of course when submitting to blogs and record labels you have to have tough skin as the acceptance rates are so low. I just feel such a calling to create, the only reason I wish to make money from music is so I could have more time and mental space to commit to the cause. I have sent out all the unsolicited emails humanly possible and its just not getting me anywhere. Now I aim to start delegating more money into promotion instead of creating new music. If no one has heard my older music then no one will hear my new music. I have to continuing trying and detach myself from the results. I'll be picking back up on my blog, releasing new music, playing shows, all in an attempt to quell the undying hunger I have to achieve my goals with my art.