(First let me start by saying my best wishes go out to those affected by the fires and i do not mean to detract from the serious damages done by it.)In the midst of forest fires and a blood red sun, I managed to conduct a music video shoot. The smoke billowed into the air and gave the sky the most interesting reddish orange hue. We climbed up a staircase to give us a great vantage point and while up there it really gave me a chance to take in the city. I've been so focused and keeping my head down and working that I haven't gotten a chance to just look around much lately I definitely needed that. I'm really excited to see the footage all edited together. Later that night I went home and two blocks down caution tape was blocking off a street and a man was lying motionless. Helicopters circled for hours and hours, spotlights pierced through windows. I'm still not sure of the full story but my first thought was man I have to get out of this neighborhood.
Then later as I was doing my prison workout( because I don't walk to the gym at night for safety reasons) and I thought to myself maybe this is exactly where I need to be. It's hard, it hurts and it's lonely but I'm really improving my all aspects. Vocals are all recorded for my new songs and I've been pulling all nighters editing them, I'm excited and overwhelmed.
I'm starting to get that hopeful feeling I get when releasing a new project. Although in reality it will probably fade into the void, it's so exciting because there's no limit to its potential. Who knows maybe it will change everything for me. I need to get better about social media and stuff but I would much rather just write here instead of posting selfies and stupid shit like that. Unfortunately as a musician your social media numbers are your blood line and mine are terrible. Also I'm going to be blogging again hard and I do appreciate all of you who read this and help it spread. I'm so excited to start playing live again and I have been planning shows and possibly a tour again, the "Beyond the Plains" campaign starts now!
,Yet another atrocity against humanity. Firstly, I would like to pay my respects to the victims of the Orlando shootings and my thoughts are with everyone who has been affected. Which I know isn't much but in times like these it helps to vocalize that feeling and let the victims families and loved ones know that we all are with them. Let me begin by saying that there is absolutely no practical reason I can think of for a civilian to own an assault weapon. I understand people want to keep their rights intact and protect themselves but to me there has to be a reasonable compromise where we look past ourselves and compromise for the safety of people as a whole. Simple compromises that can help save lives such as more in depth background checks, regulation of magazine size, limits on amount of ammunition that can be bought, etc. The gunman appeared on the terror watch list at one point in time, the fact that he was allowed to buy the guns in the first place baffles me. Florida's gun laws are a joke, but they are still more restrictive than some other states. We have to find a way to regulate firearms and instead of this topic dividing us we have to remember we are united together against hatred. The difference between altruism and hatred is simply a state of mind. When I think of isis ( which I refuse to capitalize) this is truly a mental battle against men who have allowed hatred to blind them from the truth. They hide behind religion but these men are the furthest thing from being Muslims. The members have been brainwashed by their leaders into thinking that taking the life of another human is truly what god would want. All religion has the same aim, to love your fellow humans regardless of who they are and devote your life for the good of others.
I live by a Buddhist philosophy but I am a student of all religions. Whether it be the discipline, the poetry in their doctrine or their contributions to humanity, all religions have merit and when practiced correctly I believe they can help build a peaceful planet. How do we reach an enemy in which bullets and bombs cannot find? To me it lies in reaching their minds changing how they view things. Just as isis tricks people to commit acts of terror by propaganda on the internet, we can do the inverse and inspire them to view us all as one human community. By vocalizing our pain, we can show them how these acts truly effect us. I know that I'm being a bit too naïve with this situation but just think if someone planning a terrorist plot stumbled upon this post and changed their outlook, I could save lives. Expose the truth behind the lies they have been told and cultivate love where there would be hate. To me this can be done by all of us coming out of the woodwork and speaking to these dangerous and misguided minds via the internet. Whether it be twitter or websites or whatever means isis may use this seems to be our only way of truly reaching them. Many who are committing these acts are young and impressionable minds who want to be part of a cause that they don't understand but this also means they can still be swayed to see the truth. To me I look back at Martin Luther King who got so much accomplished with the civil rights movement by using his words and instead of physically going after those who wished harm against him, he aimed to instead give them a view into what it was like to be oppressed to change their way of thinking. Although the life of MLK was one day taken, his voice brought more change than any bomb or bullet ever could. His death made his words even more true and once again showed how destructive a hateful mind can be. The mind controls the body, so the minds of isis members is where the battle is fought. There must be someway to reach these minds and actually show them the repercussions of what they are doing and snap the brainwashing. I also believe there needs to be a positive central leader within the Islamic community who can stand unafraid of isis and show them what it truly means to be Muslim. Who could also draw the line and show the world that the members of isis are NOT Muslims because there are still people who don't understand this.
Many have told me these people are too far gone and have lost their humanity. I believe all humans deep down are good and want a peaceful happy planet but the mind is also a dangerous tool when misguided. Maybe I'm wrong and it could be an exercise in futility but I cannot just sit back and watch these things on the news. The internet has given all of us a voice and collectively that voice is a powerful one. So everyone reading this take to social media be heard and together we can cure the mental disease of hatred or at least do our part to try to help. We must give an insight to those who wish harm against us, show them we are just like them regardless of location, religion or skin color. I will not give into my anger and hatred for that is exactly what isis is baiting us into. I see so much hate speech against Muslims and middle eastern people as a whole which once again is exactly what they want. They want hatred, chaos and our minds to be as poisoned and misguided as their own. The battle against hatred, bigotry and terrorism is fought in hearts and in minds. Going forward we must set the example as tolerant, peaceful, strong minded people and set the tone for the future. No matter what is done to us we will not stoop to the level of hatred and violence. One of the greatest strengths of humanity is communication, especially in the modern world. Silence will be our undoing, you matter, your voice matters, use it to help paint a positive future.
well here we go again, I'm getting ready to release new material. Failure is a great utilitarian teacher. It's not going to be pretty and it hurts but you do learn a lot. Now what have I learned from failure?i've learned that unless you are an established artist no one really cares about your EP or project. It's all about having that one single, that one shining moment in the sun that can eradicate a life of unrewarding hardwork and disappointment. Find those couple moments of sonic life changing redemption. I keep wondering if I've found it in this new cycle of songs, probably not but I will have hope until it is properly crushed. I couldn't tell you how many hours I've spent in front of my computer in that last month and a half but I feel progress every week which makes me really happy. I was in the process of forming a band to play live but in the world of music you'll have lots of weak hearted, fickle sheep trying to hide in the skin of lions. People who claim the title of musician without even coming close to earning it.Lame-ass,safe,scared ,passionless dicknoses who just want to tell their children" ya know your dad was in a band once". Some people just like to play music as a fun thing on the side,which is fine as long as it has nothing to do with my project. Once again the common theme of this blog arises, sacrifice is the backbone of passion. Everybody wants to get on the train when it's going but no one wants to help get it started. I'm bitter if you couldn't tell and maybe that's a bit harsh but i digress.I'll be giving updates on my music soon but I'm going to be very careful with this next cycle of music and ensure things are done right.
I've moved into my new place and put in to motion my project. I've written some very promising songs and have created a positive efficient workspace for myself. It is a bit scary and intimidating thinking of being in this studio with just me my thoughts and my books, but the recording set up should serve as a conduit to circumvent around all that mental chaos and find art. I love the freedom of the recording set up but also the endlessness of perfectionism is daunting. The song can always be better so it's hard to not keep changing and tinkering my work. There's a million different ways to write a song, how do I know which is best?
Inspiration has been very sparse recently. there are a lot of things I miss out on.Think of trying to find a diamond the size of your fingernail in a lake of tar. Although it's been hard to find I have been finding it here and there and I've very productive when I do have my epiphanies. I've also gotten back on a regimented workout schedule which I've needed. Mind and body should never be looked at separately for they are one, to sharpen one is to sharpen the other. Having my own space with a way to record myself has been beautiful. In this studio there is no time, nothing outside matters, I control my destiny, I have no financial status, anything is possible, this is my world inside this room and I will chase all the infinite ideas my mind can conjure. This is either the road to insanity or the road the greatness, let's be optimistic and go with the latter.
I've gotten a lot done this week I have a rough demo of a single I've called "Beyond the Plains", I felt I had to write a song about my adventure. Controlling every part of a song has been hard but I'm starting to hear basslines and song structures much better. It's crazy how just a different guitar tone can change the feel of an entire song. Even though I've really just landed in LA I can't help but feel a wanderlust dreaming about adventures in other places, I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be happy. Oh well, happiness breeds complacency anyways right? Don't fight your anchor, learn to love it, it may ground you but at the same time it keeps you stable and focused. I should begin recording this new material this month. It should prove to be an interesting and productive six months.
P.S I've got a band together again and I'll be gigging by next month, oh fuck yeah.
It's been awhile since I've written. I guess I've had the attitude of no one else cares so why should I? An awful attitude to have but sometimes it's extremely hard to evade. Of course though my mind can't stop so I've been plotting and scheming again. I've recorded a new single, gotten some photos done and I have a new plan.....again. I'm still just running out of ideas on promotion though, that part will probably just take lots of money and time. I've been so drunk with the thought of success that I can't even enjoy my food or feel the sun on my skin anymore because I feel I'm "Not where im supposed to be".
When I was a kid in school we did experiments where we took care of caterpillars and watched them cocoon and become butterflies and it just blew my tiny kid brain.What an incredible and astounding occurrence of nature, sometimes it's still hard for me to even wrap my head around. The caterpillar digests itself , to where only certain cells survive and create it's adult body,truly the epitome of a rebirth. To withdraw and break down to only your best parts to be reborn as something new, hmm interesting.So my lease is now up at the current place I'm living in,I have signed a lease on a cheap tiny little studio on the ugly side of downtown. This new area is much different yet, very familiar. People selling fruit and soccer jerseys in stands, cheap amazing smelling food and everyone is poor yet somehow happy. My first thought was.....wait am I back in Egypt?
I've also gotten a Mac and a recording set up for my little home studio. I'm dropping to three days a week at work, enough to skim by to give me more time and I'm going to fall back in love with creating music. Spend my time in that little studio writing music everyday become better and blah blah blah. As romantic as it sounds it will probably be me banging my head against the wall day in and day out but I do think some amazing material will come from this.Recently I've written music from necessity to keep the dying dream alive but I want to get back to how it was when I first started doing it. I've always thought when in doubt look to nature for answers, although we can be quite unnatural beings, we still came from the earth like all other species. So it is here I will sharpen the tip of the spear, but once again as far a promotion, I have no fucking clue.
you're not my idol you're my rival
I will not be your diciple
scorched earth to quench my thirst
nothin left on my arrival
I need skeptics
I need a spark I need a flint for the pyrotechnics
hate me, destroy me,forget me, ignore me
Yet still I remain I will be molded by pain
ricochet death for another day
ddon’t let the words all get away
You are bound in ways that I am now free
if I lived just to appease
Choke the life right out of me
you've never had a dream and you've never had a cause
you can sleep at night in the comfort of my flaws
you are not on my side although you like to paint a ruse
but since im not like you you cant endorse the things I gotta do
I live for purpose, not pleasure
fitted in my cap is the feather
of my dedication and sacrifice unto this never ending endeavor
and I just I love that you hate it
my sentiments will be painted
on the walls you built to block my view
to outline how I'm not like
and though my dollar bills are few
money never did much for you
and it will not protect
you from the ghost of neglect
so Whisper my name
as you slander and mame
the only thing that matters to me
my existence is your bane
but to the few who stoke the
flame you rebirth the Phoenix
and run through my life blood
your love is intravenous
from the ashes of failure
prop me up again
I fight for you sake
it's our dreams I will defend
Just as the frost
Rips the color from the earth
life will lie dormant waiting on immanent rebirth
with this cycle ill run parallel
but i will burrow underground
and find the hidden roots
and grow inside the vessel of a sound
Though it may be cliche
The message will be replayed
I will not succumb
Until they hide my body from the sun
my words are a reflex, reaction
a culmination of pent up passion
I display in rhythmic fashion
until my will is established
I will focus my anger
I will focus vengeance
i find the incentives
stay alive and relentless
you who oppose me
and never took the time to know me
will feel reverberations
as you feed me inspiration
I cannot live