It's been awhile, I'm writing a full length album that few people will hear because I am abysmal at promoting my music. Lately I've been so unattached to social media and blogs and blah blah blah. It used to bother me so much when my songs had low play counts and there was no excitement behind my songs but honestly I've just stopped caring. I love the music I'm making and I will continue making it regardless of who listens to it. I'm excited about the new stuff I'm writing, when you stop caring about the outcome of what you are doing or what people are going to think of it you find this beautiful appreciation for what you are doing. You can actually appreciate the moment and really be inside of what you are creating. I have internet again which has been a life saver. I'm not saying I'm completely giving up on promoting my music, I'm just not going to be so affected by the outcome. I'll do the best I can, outside of that it's beyond my control.
I'm training for the Los Angeles Marathon next month primarily because I want to battle myself. I want to remember I can do anything I put my mind to and remind myself of what I'm made of.I'm releasing a music video for Beyond the Plains and shortly after i'll have hard copies of the EP. I've been still endlessly banging my head against the wall when it comes to performing live. If i run into one more flakey spineless guitar player I'm going to lose my mind. I mean how hard is it, if you dig the music we go in a room practice then I book shows.
Many people here in LA don't actually care about art they care about what they can get out of it. It shouldn't ever be looked at like that. Music is like fight club, it's a reason to be better, to wake up earlier, to strive further and further. You should be asking how can you enhance the art, not oh man this can get be laid and get me money. If I run into one more girl with a hula hoop who's like " I want to go see this dj festival and do mushrooms" I'm also going to lose my shit.Musicians are carpenters with tools, DJ's are children with glue. That has no bearing on what I've been talking about but I thought that was clever so you're welcome. Somedays I look around and I think "Fuck this place" other days I look around and think "there is a dope little existence somewhere in this city for me " only time will tell. I will say though I have had the feeling more and more every month that I just don't fit in here. The people who make it here are personable and go out and get drunk with "cool music scene people" and stuff until they become your friends and help you out(and kiss tons of asses) I've fought it my whole life but I'm an introvert and I'm just too prideful, it just is what it is. I'll be posting more often I apologize about the long silence.
Lately I've been feeling dead in the water, so much hope,so much fire and nothing to really do with it. Sitting in front of my computer for hours and hours working trying to capture an elusive goal that is always just beyond the horizon. I've still not found work, my bank account is dwindling very fast because publicists are not cheap. There really is no logical equation in which i am able to make a living off of music and although I know this, for some reason I still have hope. Human beings are strange creatures, even when we logically know something is impossible still we continue to strive for it. It's truly a beautiful yet punishing quality. While in my apartment during a coffee induced thought journey, I had an idea. I have plan a showcase, it seems to be my only logical option. I have a good publicist that can get coverage on the show I just have to give him something to talk about. I have a new music video, a new EP, plenty of content, now I just need an event to bring these things to light.
I can't believe how defeated I've been lately, it's very unlike me. It's hard though when you work on a project for a year then the blogs you submit it to shit on you then go post the new weekend song again. I've forgotten the golden rule, you should always make art for yourself and if other people dig it cool but if not at least you are still happy with it. Anyways, it's nice to have some sort of a plan that I can focus all my craziness towards. Firstly I have to build the band, I am having my first full band practice this week, so that is thankfully moving in the right direction. Then I have to find a vessel for this shot in the dark showcase, I'm thinking somewhere small so it's an easy room to fill. Then lastly my most hated part of being a musician and the hardest part of being a musician which is of course promotion. Turn yourself into a brand, market yourself into something other people want to be a part of, it's a strange thing to try to do. Online promotion has just been an impossible trek for me, I'd much rather just go out and play a show and actually interact with people.
The main thing here is no matter how hopeless or illogical your goal may be, it is in the human nature to not give up.When I first had these thoughts I felt as if I was ignoring reality but after some pondering I realized I repudiate it. My reality is forged by my hands not those of fate. Hope is our greatest strength, logic is annoying by product of consciousness and I will not let it destroy my dreams or dictate my happiness. Fight logic, ignore the darkness, push on through the hopelessness, when all is lost yearn for more and let the echoes of Dylan Thomas fill your soul, rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I would first like to apologize for not writing for awhile, I've been laying low trying to figure things out. It's time to start releasing my new material, I submitted my first single "Disappear" to some blogs and they weren't feeling it.That isn't exactly a surprise and I knew it was a long shot. Of course it's never fun to hear someone tell you they don't like your music especially someone who could really help you but you have to stand by your work no matter what. It's been almost exactly a year since I've gotten to LA, it's been the hardest year of my life and seems to continue getting harder everyday. It's almost every other day I want to run away from this place and the impossible life of a musician but it's just not an option for me. If i leave and accept an easier life my mind would eat me alive. So where does that leave me? I just have to find a way to keep getting better, it's really my only option.Finding musicians in LA has become a very daunting task and I just can't seem to get excitement around my project. So the question is what do you do when blogs and record labels don't want to help you? You have to reach the people directly and figure out a way to promote your own music. This is no simple task, it's going to take lots of money and time and even then could yield no results. Years of trial and error but if you believe in yourself then it's the only thing you can do. Nonetheless I believe in Disappear, it's weird and imperfect but i do feel it's an interesting sound to explore. I'll be blogging more regularly, i apologize for the lameness of this first post but I need to get back in the swing of writing and continue making new music. I'll be releasing Disappear this Friday, wish me luck.